<div class="vi-gateway-container"><div><p class="NYTAppHideMasthead"><header class="css-1bymuyk e1m0pzr41"><section class="css-10xu8a0 e1m0pzr42"><div class="css-1ch6mhx ea180rp0"><a class="css-wsvg60" href="#site-content">Skip to content</a><a class="css-wsvg60" href="#site-index">Skip to site index</a></div></section><section id="masthead-bar-one" class="hasLinks css-c5j6tx e1pjtsj62"></section></header></p></div><p><main id="site-content"><div><div class="css-ec8ke8" id="in-story-masthead"><div class="css-1hqnpie"><div class="css-10habuo"><span class="css-1u4hfeb"><a href="/section/realestate">Real Estate</a></span><span class="css-1po1uvd">|</span><span class="css-rnl02l">I Love You, but I Don&#x2019;t Want to Sleep With You</span></div><div class="css-k008qs"><span class="css-bgaqcm">https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/10/realestate/couples-separate-bedrooms.html</span></div></div></div><article id="story" class="css-1vxca1d e1lmdhsb0"><div id="top-wrapper" class="css-njaf7f"><a href="#after-top" class="css-777zgl">SKIP ADVERTISEMENT</a></div><div><div class="css-1dv1kvn">You have a preview view of this article while we are checking your access. When we have confirmed access, the full article content will load.</div></div><header class="css-ay91f9 euiyums1"><p id="article-summary" class="css-79rysd e1wiw3jv0">Snoring and conflicting schedules are top reasons couples decide to sleep in separate bedrooms. Sex therapists and marriage counselors have their doubts about the arrangement.</p><div><figure class="sizeLarge layoutHorizontal css-nlqgyf"><div class="css-1xb94ky"><picture><source srcset="https://static01.nyt.com/images/2023/02/12/multimedia/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm-mobileMasterAt3x.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale&amp;width=1800"><source srcset="https://static01.nyt.com/images/2023/02/12/multimedia/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm-mobileMasterAt3x.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale&amp;width=1200"><source srcset="https://static01.nyt.com/images/2023/02/12/multimedia/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm-mobileMasterAt3x.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale&amp;width=600"><img alt="Cara Newhart, who has long brown hair and is wearing a white satin robe, mauve leggings and taupe ankle boots, sits smiling on a bed with the door open. Through the door, in the background, is Rich Newhart, in a backward baseball cap and loungewear." class="css-rq4mmj" src="https://static01.nyt.com/images/2023/02/12/multimedia/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm-articleLarge.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale" srcset="https://static01.nyt.com/images/2023/02/12/multimedia/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm-articleLarge.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp 600w, https://static01.nyt.com/images/2023/02/12/multimedia/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm-jumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp 1024w, https://static01.nyt.com/images/2023/02/12/multimedia/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm/10separatebeds-cover-gzpm-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp 2048w" sizes="((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 80vw, 100vw" width="600"></picture></div><figcaption class="css-ktho12 e3rygrp0"><span class="css-jevhma e13ogyst0">Cara and Rich Newhart began sleeping apart at the beginning of the pandemic and stuck with the arrangement when they bought a new house in New Jersey.</span><span class="css-14fe1uy e1z0qqy90"><span class="css-1ly73wi e1tej78p0">Credit...</span><span><span>Tony Cenicola/The New York Times</span></span></span></figcaption></figure></div><div class="css-p6m5rf"></div><div class="css-1c72mta"><time class="css-1ubbotv e16638kd2"><span class="css-1sbuyqj e16638kd3">Published Feb. 10, 2023</span><span class="css-233int e16638kd4">Updated June 12, 2024</span></time></div></header><section class="meteredContent css-1r7ky0e"><div class="css-s99gbd StoryBodyCompanionColumn"><div class="css-53u6y8"><p class="css-at9mc1 evys1bk0">In the spring of 2022, as Valerie Weisler was preparing to move to New York City to live with her partner, she realized she wanted her own bedroom. She&#x2019;d been living alone while in graduate school in Ireland, and the idea of sharing a bedroom, even with a partner, filled her with dread. But the alternative filled her with self-doubt.</p><p class="css-at9mc1 evys1bk0">&#x201C;Is there something wrong with me for wanting this?&#x201D; Ms. Weisler, 24, recalled thinking. &#x201C;You meet someone, you fall in love, and you move in together. And moving in together means sharing a room. And that&#x2019;s just what life looks like.&#x201D;</p><p class="css-at9mc1 evys1bk0">Her partner, Ky Dates, 22, who was at the time finishing college in Pennsylvania, had assumed they&#x2019;d sleep in the same bedroom &#x2014; isn&#x2019;t that what couples do? &#x2014; and felt blindsided by the suggestion that they change course. &#x201C;I was totally freaked out,&#x201D; said Mx. Dates, who worried that this could be a sign of a relationship in trouble. &#x201C;It was a lot of fear responses, for sure.&#x201D;</p></div><aside class="css-ew4tgv"></aside></div><div><div class="css-q3z82y e73j0it0"><div><figure class="img-sz- css-13wylk3 e1g7ppur0"><figcaption class="css-fpbvhh ewdxa0s0"><span class="css-jevhma e13ogyst0">Valerie Weisler got used to having her own bedroom when she was a graduate student in Ireland and wanted to continue that arrangement.</span><span class="css-14fe1uy e1z0qqy90"><span class="css-1ly73wi e1tej78p0">Credit...</span><span><span>Clark Hodgin for The New York Times</span></span></span></figcaption></figure></div><div><figure class="img-sz- css-13wylk3 e1g7ppur0"><figcaption class="css-fpbvhh ewdxa0s0"><span class="css-jevhma e13ogyst0">Ky Dates felt blindsided by Ms. Weisler&#x2019;s suggestion, and said, &#x201C;I was totally freaked out.&#x201D;</span><span class="css-14fe1uy e1z0qqy90"><span class="css-1ly73wi e1tej78p0">Credit...</span><span><span>Clark Hodgin for The New York Times</span></span></span></figcaption></figure></div></div></div><div class="css-s99gbd StoryBodyCompanionColumn"><div class="css-53u6y8"><p class="css-at9mc1 evys1bk0">After Ms. Weisler explained how she had come to value personal space during her time living abroad, Mx. Dates warmed to the idea. And in September 2022, the couple moved into a four-bedroom apartment in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, sharing it with two roommates. Everyone has their own room.</p></div><aside class="css-ew4tgv"></aside></div><div class="css-s99gbd StoryBodyCompanionColumn"><div class="css-53u6y8"><p class="css-at9mc1 evys1bk0">Sleeping apart is more common than one might think: One in five couples sleep in separate bedrooms, and almost two-thirds of those who sleep apart do so every night, according to a January 2023 survey of 2,200 Americans conducted by the International Housewares Association for The New York Times. The practice has been branded as &#x201C;sleep divorce.&#x201D; It even has its celebrity champions, like Carson Daly, 50, married since 2015, who told <a class="css-yywogo" href="https://people.com/carson-daly-says-sleeping-in-separate-bed-from-wife-siri-helps-them-stay-together-exclusive-8628808">People</a> magazine that he highly recommended it, and Cameron Diaz, 51, also married since 2015, who said on a podcast, &#x201C;We should normalize separate bedrooms.&#x201D;</p><div class="css-kbghgg"><div class="css-121kum4"><div class="css-asuuk5"><div class="css-1dv1kvn" id="optimistic-truncator-a11y"><p>Thank you for your patience while we verify access. 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I Love You, but I Don’t Want to Sleep With You (Published 2023)